if i can run in heels then i can drive
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
