Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
