You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
