At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
