stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Bring me that man meat
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
