So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
