I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
