Sponge bath it is.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
