My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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