god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
