well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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