So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You are a booty call, not a friend.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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