Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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