i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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