New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
