so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
