This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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