Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
