Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
