then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
