I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize