So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
now i know why i became what i already was.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
