Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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