:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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