So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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