Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
