Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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