Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
