just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
