You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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