She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
