I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i wish my penis had a tongue
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
