It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
