i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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