I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
