he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
