these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
