What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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