Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
