We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
