remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm at about main and main street
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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