so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Randomize
