My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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