Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
