So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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