It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
