you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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