Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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