We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
