i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
