I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Oh god it's open bar.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
