The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
