So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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