if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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