I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Sorry about my life...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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