The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
