If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
