I wish life had little blips of pornography
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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