I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
