Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
ok first of all what the fuck
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
