I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
