he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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