Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
