Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
