you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
