I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
