i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
