My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
