my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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